Michelle Smiles

Teaching my children to question authority, except mine.

Top 10


Top 10 best things about not being pregnant anymore

10. Bending at the waist! You don’t understand until you lose the ability. I no longer cry a little when I drop the soap in the shower. I can clip and paint my toenails with ease. And if I felt alert enough to trust myself to put a sharp object to my skin, I could shave easily too.

9. The hope that some day I will again be able to wear cute shoes and pants without elastic.

8. Not having to pee twice each hour. Sometimes I hold it now just because I can.

7. I may not get a lot of sleep but between feedings, I can lose consciousness sleep without pain and turn over without thought and planning. And? I can sleep on my stomach if I want.

6. Booze. In theory at least, I can have a drink again. I haven’t but I will one of these days. If I can stay awake. And sushi is on that list too.

5. People have stopped telling me their terrifying birth stories. Why do women feel compelled to tell the most horrific birth stories they’ve ever experienced or heard when they encounter a pregnant woman?

4. Coffee. With caffeine. ‘Nuff said. (Oh hush…it’s only 1 cup a day and I’m not giving it up again so quit your nagging internet.)

3. No one expects much from me at this point. I have a newborn and a 2 year old so people cut me a lot of slack. Lower expectations mean that I can often exceed expectations with little effort (look! She showered and fed herself and doesn’t have any spit up on her shirt – wow, she has it all together!).

2. Not one person has gone spelunking in my uterus since I left the hospital.

1. Boobs – I have them. Who knew? The rest of me may look like crap but my boobs look pretty darn good. I like to think they distract people from noticing my scary dark circles under my eyes. It is a shame I can’t keep them but I know they are loaners.

posted under humor, Pregnancy
18 Comments to

“Top 10”

  1. On August 12th, 2008 at 11:24 am Type (little) a Says:

    #10 should be #1.

    Totally the best part (besides the baby) of being un-pregnant.

    And I totally laughed at #2. After I came home from the hospital, I was so sick of being poked prodded, checked, re-checked, examined, undresses, dressed, etc that I declared that no one was allowed to touch me. Anywhere.

  2. On August 12th, 2008 at 11:52 am JUlia Says:

    you are SO back!

    love it
    he heeheehe hehe he

  3. On August 12th, 2008 at 12:04 pm Pocklock Says:

    I can’t WAIT to bend at the waist again!

    Oh and the caffeine thing? You saw my post about that, right? Our nutritionist/lactation consultant said that even with nursing, you can have it! For every 100mg YOU ingest, the baby only gets ONE. ONE MG! Go for that double latte, honey!

  4. On August 12th, 2008 at 12:46 pm Muriel Says:

    funny funny funny. Thanks for making me laugh. Off to the doctor who will probably tell me just one more week for the 12th time.

  5. On August 12th, 2008 at 1:38 pm Heather Says:

    Very, very funny!!! I so miss coffee and wine. But it’s so worth it …. for now.

  6. On August 12th, 2008 at 3:04 pm carla Says:


    your snarkasm is back!!!!

  7. On August 12th, 2008 at 4:43 pm Tricia Says:

    Sending alcohol and raw fish your way!!



  8. On August 12th, 2008 at 5:31 pm Tracey Says:

    Very funny…I may steal this idea…and do TOP 10 REASONS I CAN BE HAPPY I’M NOT PREGNANT AND WE’RE ADOPTING INSTEAD!

  9. On August 12th, 2008 at 7:42 pm mama k Says:

    tee hee

    I totally drank coffee while nursing. Are you kidding? I had to fight the sleep deprivation somehow. (Ok, not a ton, but definitely a cup of regular a day.) It took a little while for the desire to drink alcohol came back but yeah, it did. LOL

  10. On August 12th, 2008 at 9:02 pm Bobbi Says:

    AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Michelle is back. This was so great. Laying on my belly was soooooo good, but those great boobs kept getting in my way. Guess we can’t have it all.

  11. On August 12th, 2008 at 9:03 pm Bobbi Says:

    OOOOHHH and I totally did caffeine with my first…..but Krista it made not sleep. She didn’t nurse as long………

  12. On August 12th, 2008 at 11:08 pm RhondaFTC Says:

    Sending some awesome alcohol and sushi your way!!!

  13. On August 13th, 2008 at 5:41 am Soltana Says:

    SO FUNNY!!! It will get easier, wait who am I kidding:)

    Both your girls are just tooo darn cute:)

  14. On August 13th, 2008 at 6:01 am Amy Says:

    I am thinking that Steve is dying a little inside about #1, yes.

  15. On August 13th, 2008 at 6:19 am Vanessa Says:

    I totally agree that #10 should be #1! I also vote that we should get to keep them as a reward or something right?? LOL!

  16. On August 13th, 2008 at 6:24 am tonya Says:

    You can always pump and dump! 🙂

  17. On August 13th, 2008 at 7:21 am terri Says:

    Love it! Never been preggers, so I have been living vicariously this past year. But the homor of a now crazed mommy to 2 is even better than before. I’m a single mommy of two, both Guat Tots, so I missed the wacky feeding schedules and waking every 3 hours. I don’t envy you there, but I do agree that both girls are so adorable. I am so hoping to move home to north Alabama soon with the BRAC and I soooo want to meet your sweet family when I do.
    get some rest,
    terri in virginia

  18. On August 14th, 2008 at 8:51 pm Jamie Says:

    You are cracking me up with the spelunking and loaner boob references!

    Yeah I miss my jacked up nursing boobs. Sigh… 😉

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