Michelle Smiles

Teaching my children to question authority, except mine.

Social Crutch


Thank you – you are all too kind telling me how lovely I look.  Moving on…

I had a strange revelation this weekend.  I attended a mommy group brunch (mommies only – no kiddos) and realized that I have become rather socially retarded.  This is a new group I’ve only been a part of for a short time and I’m still learning names and faces.  99% of the time Sabrina is with me when I leave the house.  I always have someone to talk to when out.  People are always approaching to talk to Sabrina or to tell me how cute she is or to comment on how well behaved she is being.  Saturday I was flying solo and I think I’ve forgotten the art of beginning conversations.  Once involved, I can keep up my end but standing on the edge of a group of women I don’t know trying to become a part of the conversation I felt like I was back in junior high – awkward and uncertain.  Sabrina has become my social crutch and I can’t seem to operate without her anymore.

In my pre-mommy life, work was the go-to conversation opener.  When I was in unfamiliar social situations, I asked about work.  Now, most of my unfamiliar social settings are mommy groups so I ask about which little rugrat belongs to the person I am trying to strike up a conversation with.  It flows pretty well from there.  But I found myself floundering without the kids to fall back on.  When did I become that person?  I am often heard commenting how I long for conversations that don’t revolve around kids and naps and poop – I’ve had those conversations from time to time and relished them.  But apparently I don’t know how to start one anymore.

At this moment, I want to apologize to any mom in the past who I rolled my eyes at after a dinner party and told my hubby she had nothing to discuss outside of her kids and now that she was a mom she didn’t seem to be anything but a mom.  I now understand that isn’t necessarily the case…you just temporarily forget how to access the non-mommy portions of your brain sometimes.

posted under parenting
14 Comments to

“Social Crutch”

  1. On June 23rd, 2008 at 8:33 am Trace Says:

    How accurately described. It does sort of stink for people who are trying, but eventually you get used to it. I always wonder why people don’t discuss movies they’ve seen, books they’ve read, vacations their going on, popular TV shows (so many are into realty tv).

  2. On June 23rd, 2008 at 8:34 am Kecia Says:

    The only other person I can initate conversation with is my massage therapist and it goes a little like this. “Right there, yeah, that’s good” (My husband bought me four massages, I go once a quarter and I have standing appointments with both the spa and the babysitter!)

  3. On June 23rd, 2008 at 11:57 am Ashley J Says:

    I know… it is hard and I feel like I say “I used to” a lot.

    You have got an easy open though… “So, tell me some interesting things around here we can check out.” (since you are new to the area)

    I am impressed that you sign up to go to groups of people that you do not know. That is out of my comfort zone and if I were in your shoes and had just moved to a new place… I would probably spend the first 3 years totally alone.

  4. On June 23rd, 2008 at 12:08 pm Sarah Says:

    Kudos to you for stepping out, Michelle! That is more than I do – LOL! And, sadly, it is so… once a mommy, always a mommy… it doesn’t get any better the older the kids get, just the mommy group looks a little older and talks more about their kids sports and whose kid did what to another person’s kid, etc.

    I actually TRIED to date a few years ago and I was aghast that I could not think of anything intellectual to talk about… and my date most surely did not want to hear about my kids on the first date – LOL! So… still single and waiting for my Prince to magically appear on the doorstep. LOL!

  5. On June 23rd, 2008 at 7:40 pm Soltana Says:

    I know exactally what you mean!! That’ s why now I get together at least once a month with my firneds..NO KIDS. I totally didn’t know how to carry on a conversation about anything else except. dora, diego or wubbzy!!!

    Oh the good old days when it was all about what drink I was gonna have next:)

    If you’re ever in Va..you can join us:)

  6. On June 23rd, 2008 at 8:35 pm Bobbi Says:

    I know how you feel. It is tough, but glad you make sure to get out. I don’t do well with it—need to work on it.

  7. On June 23rd, 2008 at 10:05 pm Habesha Child Says:

    Good for you for getting out there – especially without your adorable social crutch. I know exactly what you mean, btw, and I’ve only had my own adorable crutch for a few months… SO much easier with the kiddo around.

  8. On June 24th, 2008 at 1:23 am Rhonda Says:

    I can soooo relate! Sometimes I wonder what in the world would it be like having that “empty nest” syndrome!!! Not happening anytime soon in our household!!!

    I’ve also tagged you my dear! Please see my blog for details!
    http://fourchildrenrus dot blogspot.com/


  9. On June 24th, 2008 at 8:39 am Nikki Says:

    I am sooo there with you!!! I hate going to Vinay’s work functions, because I have to talk to people w/ out Liv. I feel like a fish out of water. Not to mention that my brain is mush since becoming a Mom. Guess I’ll have normal conversations when she’s 18!!!!!

  10. On June 24th, 2008 at 11:49 am carla Says:

    so so so so many thought I shall just leave you with one.

    I read that as SOCIAL CROTCH.

  11. On June 24th, 2008 at 1:45 pm Debbie Says:

    I was at lunch with my mom yesterday and was shocked at how little I had to talk about. Sure Izzy is cute but other than sleeping and eating she’s just not doing that much yet. I realized that I lack adult conversation in my life.

  12. On June 24th, 2008 at 3:52 pm staciesmadness Says:

    cute post and SOOOO true!

  13. On June 24th, 2008 at 9:57 pm Meena Says:

    Your posts are always so great Michelle. I love the last paragraph where you apologize to all the mommies who do nothing but talk about their children. I have apologized too but for other things. You really don’t know until you’re the one in that situation. I’ve learned alot since Serena came home July last year.

    I also love your honesty. Maybe you can get a job writing a column in the newspaper the way you write on your blog. Your so entertaining and REAL. Then you would have an opening line about work again and you can share your thoughts with more people. I love to read your blog and I know you’d have alot of readers for your column. Ya know, you could write it inbetween changing diapers for two, feeding two (or three if you include your hubby), doing laundry for two, etc……

  14. On October 29th, 2009 at 11:53 pm Larissa Says:

    LOL, I just wrote in my blog about feeling socially retarded! Glad to know I’m not the only mommy out there who feels that way!

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