Dinner for Dummies
At different times, we have had some struggles with meal times but nothing serious. Self-feeding has meant much slower meal times for Sabrina. She can turn a small toddler size meal into an hour long marathon. She isn’t a big fan of protein and vegetables these days – she has discovered that fruit and crackers are much more yummy. So we have to give her the protein and veggies first and then if she finishes that she can have some “dessert”. I started giving her protein and veggies for lunch and dinner and fruit and carbs for snacks but she figured that formula out. She would barely touch lunch and 10 minutes later start telling me she was hungry and asking for crackers.
Dinner time was becoming a real battle. She would poke around for an hour. One of us would sit next to her constantly prompting “Take a bite” or “Eat your food”. She would exert her control by putting a bite of food in her mouth and refusing to chew it or swallow. She would just hold it in her mouth for 5 minutes. It resulted in frustrated and annoyed parents. It also often resulted in a crying toddler as we constantly badgered her to eat her dinner. We probably wouldn’t have turned it into the battle it became if it wasn’t for her barely staying on the weight charts. Her pediatrician said at each visit he wanted to see her gain some weight so I worried that if I didn’t get a good dinner in her, I was a bad mommy. Last week, Steve and I found ourselves snapping at each other in our annoyance over the dinner situation. We decided then and there we had to come up with a new strategy.
We now give Sabrina her dinner and set the timer for 30 minutes. When the timer dings, dinner is over. We don’t prompt her to eat (although we do tell her to quit feeding the dog), we just keep her company and make sure she doesn’t choke. I hated it the first few nights because I felt like we were putting her to bed hungry. But she seems fine with it and we are all less stressed out over meal time. She eats her breakfast pretty quickly now – she is probably rather hungry in the morning.
Who knew parenting a less than 2 year old would require so much brain power from 2 college educated adults?
Ahhhh the timer! I was the 30-min timer child myself.
And I survived!
Although I did endure a few threats from my folks that, shall we say, motivated me….
For Example, “If you don’t finish eating what is on your plate before the timer goes off, you will have to eat it for breakfast.”
Needless to say, they admit that they would **never** do that again, but it was motivational…
🙂
Bah! One hour. The boy drag a meal out for a good 2 given the opportunity. I’m the poke and prod kind of parent (and then he gets fed up with the nagging and hurls the dish at my head). I would give my left arm for the ability to set the 30 minute timer. I can’t because that’s basically what they did in his orphanage. That would be a flashback I just don’t want to deal with. So I constantly clean milk up off the floor.
Sounds like dinner at my house!!! We haven’t moved to the timer yet…but that may be coming soon.
Toddlers….so complicated! 😉
What a good idea. A timer, wow what an idea. thanks
we are doing Love and Logic Parenting and they use this same kind of idea saying that “dinner is over at 6:30”
you soooo smart!
Yep, your not alone….especially with the “stop feeding the dogs” part. I get soooo frustrated with them damn dogs and Myah thinks its hilarious that they beg at her feet and she tosses them food.
Um let’s just say a few weeks ago we were going through terrible feedings with Gabbie too. I was becoming paranoid mommy because a couple of times she refused to eat dinner she would wake up around 3 or 4am screaming. I would then get up and give her a yogurt in the middle of the night because I felt bad for her and could tell her crying was different than just a fuss and worried she had tummy pain.
So then she got the flu and refused to eat all day but she was drinking. I got a bit of the flu too and realized why she wouldn’t eat so I backed off on the eating a bit but only after trying to feed her dinner and a bite of everything else in our house just so she would get some food in her. To make a long story short after the flu she started eating everything in sight. Now we have become a little more relaxed about it. Sometimes she will eat a ton for dinner and others a little. I notice though in the morning following the not eating dinner she is a lot hungrier and says bite immediately when I get her out of the crib.
I agree with your parenting a less than 2 year old thing!!! We have noticed there are several things that Gabbie has out-smarted us on but we are catching up now!!!! These toddlers really are smart!!!
Love the timer idea. Meals have always been a problem with Liv, now i feel like she is just always walking around with food, since she tends to eat better if she is preoccupied.
One thing I found is that I give her a small meal before bed, my child will do anything to stay up later, and then I feel like she can make up for what she hasn’t eaten all day.
Who knew parenting would take so much thought and planning about every little thing, it’s exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have gotten- over the years- to be a sargent at dinner time. You eat what I put in front of you or you don’t eat. If it is somthing new or something we know they do not like they take a bite per year of age up to age 5 and they can be done.
I struggled for a long time battling my oldest- offering the same green beans as a meal for 48 hours straight ( all I asked was one bite) and I got the point where I knew if I gave in I was losing a battle for life so I stuck with it and now he is my best eater and will try anything. He is also the role model eater for the others he encourages them to just try it… so it payed off for me in the end.
It is a battle… and it is stressful… but you sould like you are SOOO on top of it.
oooh my goodness Michelle this post is meant for me!!!!!!!!!! My sweet little Sophie girl is doing this too!!!! And Sam is starting it to!!!! –I am trying the timer as soon as I go to Target to by one!!! I love it!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!! 🙂 I will let you know how it goes!
I SOOOOOOOO needed this info!!! Derek and Cerah awful when it comes to dinner…unless it’c chicken nuggets that is:)
Cerah is the same way with her weight, Derek ised to be but now it’s getting better
I’m using the timer tomorrow…. THANKS A BUNCH
Oh did you ever tell us your due date??
YIPPEEEE for you guys
I could have written this post!!!! It’s been getting a bit better lately. But, I too am a drill sargent and don’t put up with BS at mealtime. If you’re hungry, you’ll eat, not play. If you play after a couple of warnings, then that’s it, meal is over and you can cry all you want about being hungry…..
And yes, I don’t give dessert, aka fruit, until the main meal is finished. If you don’t eat much of the main meal, then no dessert.
And yeah, it’s unfortunately caused more than one snapping at one another incident between mommy and daddy…. arghhhhhhhhhhhh.
I may just have to try the timer and see if that does anything. Though, if she’s going to eat and not just play, she usually makes that clear pretty quickly.
Our biggest battle right now is with using utensils. She tends to bang and play with the fork or spoon way too much and not eat with it. Then, when I take it away, hysterics ensue.
Fun times.
Timmy is 3 1/2 and I have had to tell him if he gets up from the table – that means he is done and his plate is dumped in the trash. Ive done it a few times and he is getting better about sitting still. He can get involved in playing/entertaining the older two kids and forgets what he is supposed to be doing. Emily is the lollygagger in our family. She eats very slow and of course the more she dislikes, the longer it takes. Dinner is a social thing for us so I dont get too stressed out about it taking a lot of time.
Eating has always been an issue with Madisyn….She is not a big eater. I would try to make her eat but she wouldn’t, Mommy and Daddy would argue, Madisyn would cry. SO I gave up. She will not sit at the table, Or in a high chair, Yes my child is spoiled beyond words, so she now sits on the couch with her TV tray and eats. When she is done she yells ALL DONE!!!!
But her Dr always says if she is hungary she will eat not to worry about it so that is what I did..And she is almost 2 (3 more days)….Anyway she is only 25 pds.
Thank-you for the post. Thank-you for the comments. Ally is not and has never been a good eater. It is so nice to know we’re not alone in the food / meal time battle. I hope the 30 minute timer continues to work for you.
I’m beginning to think it’s not surprising I’m obese as I was NOT a fussy, faddy child eater. My younger, leaner brother was. I was the human dustbin in the family who would finish up all leftover scraps!
Well, every family enjoys having one of them, don’t they? Someone they can pass everything else onto.
Perhaps Sabrina might become less faddy when the newbie arrives in July and she sees how awkward a new infant can be, puking up everwhere and not eating properly?
I hate it when Reese controls me. Our problem is he is hungry before our dinner is ready. It is difficult to have it earlier because of Joe’s schedule, so if he snacks then dinner is out. So,I have to try to get dinner distract a whiny toddler who is on my last nerve, plus two other kids. Makes for an unpleasant Mommy at times. But, it pays off because he shovels his food in before I have had my last bite. BUT, don’t let him see fruit or it is ALL over there will be nothing else eaten.
Vegetable?? what are those?? He absoltely refuses to eat ANY!! Well, tomatoes in tomato sauce. If it has tomato sauce this kid will eat it.
As she gets older and can understand a sticker chart works really well. But, that is a ways off.
We get the same flack, although T. and I are pretty fast eaters, so he doesn’t have long to eat anyways. I’ve tried to start using the “You don’t have to eat, but you have to wait until Mama and Papa are done eating” trick lately. It works a bit, since he starts to pick a bit at food and then eat a little more. I’ve posted before than when K. doesnt’ eat, I feel like a failure as a mother. I’ve stopped stressing about that, and figure when he’s hungry, he’ll eat.
Good for you! Kids will eat when they are hungry and all kids have different body types. If Sabrina was smaller from the get-go, then she is consistent and not to worry. Also, they always say don’t look at what they ate in a meal or even a day, look over the week. That is esp true of toddlers – they are so busy and grazers. As long as kids are not given frightening processed foods, their body will crave what they need. Too many of us were screwed up with the finish what’s on your plate/don’t listen to your body/control over food or no food, that I’m super cautious about that. Like I said, good for you for figuring that out early!
Im the worst when it comes to feeding emma.
she grazes all day and at the end I have NO IDEA how much she has eaten.
OH this post is perfectly timed for the scenes in our home as well. Jamie likes to dump her bowl and feed the kittens and just dawdles and picks!! She used to be such a good eater, now she just wants cheese and crackers, oh and milk. Now I dont give her her milk until she eats some of her meal and sometimes that makes for quite a showdown. I read somewhere that toddlers do this because of a self survival tactic from years ago. Babies eat anything becuause they are helpless and mommy is feeding them, but toddlers can get around and thus have the ability to eat substances that may harm them. So they don’t eat as many different things as they did when they needed to be fed as babies. Anyway great topic Michelle, we will try the timer as well.
we are dealing with a slooooooooow eater as well——not fun.
like the 30 min idea