Memo #34821
I know many of you have been fretting that without being allowed to interact with the outside world, I wouldn’t have any fodder for memo writing. Fear not…I can get worked up just from surfing the web.
Dear Maternity “Fashion” Designers (I used the term fashion quite loosely here):
I spent a little time surfing some websites today. I am anticipating the need for some maternity wear in a couple of months and thought I would get an idea of what is out there. I learned a few things from my browsing:
1. You maternity “fashion” designers must hate pregnant women. We aren’t asking that you make us look thin or less awkward but we are asking for a little bit of taste in the selection available. And we understand that it does take more fabric to make a maternity top but it can’t possibly quadruple the price of a blouse.
2. You apparently labor under the impression that if you put a really big, really loud, really bright print on a pregnant woman, our pregnant bellies somehow will disappear in the chaos. That isn’t the case. Just because the clothes are big doesn’t mean they have to look like circus tents. Also, perhaps maternity wear isn’t the place for so many wide horizontal stripes? I’m just saying.
3. You think we all love leggings. While I will agree leggings are comfortable, I can’t imagine my thighs or ass will thank me for being showcased in lyra in next 6 months. Yet every maternity site has a separate category just for leggings. (Anyone who knows me in real life and sees me wearing leggings this spring because lycra is the only thing that will stretch over my ass and thighs please be kind and don’t comment.)
4. You think shiny things make pregnant women happy. I have never seen so many bedazzled tops in all of my life. I don’t want shiny things calling attention to my new double chin or puffy face thank you very much. Also, knock it off with the big bows on the belly.
5. You have something against natural fabrics. 90% of what I saw was mostly polyester. What is wrong with cotton?
Sincerely,
A horrified browser who will be likely be shopping at Target – at least their ugly clothes are cheaper
You will hate Target’s maternity jeans. When I wore them, it was coin slot city. The stretchy top kind, I never bought the full panel.
Motherhood Maternity is just OK. They are cheap enough and not *that* ugly. There was one pair of cargo pants from there that I wore for most of the *ahem* 4th trimester.
Mimi and Pea in the Pod are lots nicer and LOTS more $$. Who would spend $200 on an outfit you can only wear 4-5 months?
Gap and Old Navy have maternity now, too.
Get 7 or 8 tshirts, one pair of jeans, on pair of khakis and a bunch of skirts or jogging pants.
SOOOOO true! And don’t get me started on bathing suits.
I did like that Old Navy and Gap would let you order online and return anything to the store that didn’t work out. So that was somewhat helpful. I just stuck to the basics… Ts, jeans and the occasional mu-mu. 😉
Maternity clothes are THE BIGGEST CROCK!! Have you even seen those prices for such hideous styles???!!
When I was pregnant with Victoria, I seriously just bought normal clothes in bigger sizes….
This was back in 2003 when Old Navy & Gap did NOT have maternity…..
Head to Old Navy maternity – they are now at ALL Old Navys and they seem much more reasonable…..
Also, a lot of consignment shops have maternity including Once Upon A Child, etc – cheap & comfy if you can find em!
P.S. Just wait until you see the size of Maternity UNDERWEAR – I swear it would make every granny look THIN!
And don’t get me started on how much my boobs grew & how many bras I grew in & out of….after birth it was on to nursing bras, nursing pads….the nightmare continued!!!!
~~~~
P.P.S My girlfriend bought almost ALL her maternity clothes on eBay…
I second…or third the GAP and Old Navy maternity sites…look for their clearance section on these too. Going into spring and summer, should be okay for you…I just chose skirts mostly with elastic waists and a cute shirt for the top. These were the most comfortable and flattering for me anyway. I didn’t bother with a lot of jeans or pants. Shirts at Target aren’t too bad.
My neighbor just bought a “but load” of maternity off local Craig’s list… she went and looked at the mfirst.
Opry Mills for sure has the Maternity section ( I do not know about the others… haven’t paid attention in likealmost 3 years)
Ann Taylor Loft just started Maternity… though I am sure pricey and only for going out on New Years Eve… sometimes they do have nice sweaters and stuff…
Consignment sales should start up in Feb… check those out and if I hear of any locally, I will let you know.
Maternity clothes in the last few years seem to all be designed for Britney Spears. Too sparkly, too tight, too much showing. I have never been one to show off the “bump” – because the bump was always accompanied by the “handles”. 😉 My last pregnancy I had trouble finding clothes that didn’t look like I was headed to the club. A fat person’s club, admittedly.
lol…poor thing.
I hated the t-shirts that announce the obvious…ya know like BABY on BOARD….ugh, however, I do smile when I see others wearing them. 😉
I bought almost all plain cotton maternity tees. Most of my stuff came from Kohls. Definately check clearances too.
LOVE IT!!! (I love all of your memos – you crack me up!)
I am CRACKING UP at Tricia’s comment about the maternity underwear. She’s not kidding. They are the most gigantic panties EVER!!! I had lots of friends who refused to wear maternity underwear – they would just wear their regular bikini underwear underneath their tummy. Well that worked for me for a while – but unfortunately I gained weight everywhere – my ass included – and eventually I could no longer fit into my regular underwear.
And the bras -oh my. Yep – when you put on those big ole granny panties and then the nursing bras with the wide straps and the flaps in the front – you’re going to feel so HOT!!! I never understood women who said they felt sexy when they were pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them – I just never felt it!
EBAY SWEETIE! I was able to get a few really nice pieces on there for a decent price. PLUS, sometimes they has last yrs “fashion” which could POSSIBLY be a little less glittery!
JC penny has cotton stuff, thats about the only place I could find the stuff.
I have 2 motherhood T’s that I still wear to this day…..so comfi!
Jeans- good luck!
🙂
Hope you get to “enjoy” pregnancy soon! Feeling like crud is always the worst part!
Kelly- AB
At 8 months pregnant here I can tell you that they LIE when they say to buy your pre-pregnancy size. I have outgrown everything. It’s a conspiracy to get you to buy more later on. My only pants that really fit are a pair of black capri sweat pants – which I can’t wear to work, and too bad it’s zero degrees out here. If I wear them with boots they just look a little short. Anyway, I got a few shirts from JC Penney on-line and Motherhood.
Hmmm. I kind of liked wearing maternity clothes. Maybe I’m weird, but…I thought it was a really good excuse to buy new stuff. Maybe you need to get out and try some on…they’re not too flattering until you start to “show” though — the in between stage is the toughest. Did you try babystyle.com?
Okay so I was pregnant a few years ago and I’m not sure how much has changed. But all of my stuff came from Motherhood and JCPenney. Nothing fabulous or even remotely fashionable…but cotton and comfortable. And believe me you will want the most comfortable clothes you can find. Even the super huge beyond granny underwear. They aren’t pretty but they are better than other underwear cutting into your belly as it grows. I bought just enough to get me through the week, washed it all and started over. No point in going crazy building a huge wardrobe.
My last piece of advice…be careful with skirts. You may think it looks fine in the next month or two when you get it but as you get bigger the skirt will get shorter. Much shorter. And if you have to bend over to pick up Sabrina or even just to hand her something…you get where I’m going with this one. Buy long skirts if you buys skirts at all.
I have no experience or advice in this arena, but the memo cracked me up!
Amen Sister!!! My aunt, who apparently was in some tragic accident after I became pregnant and as a result is now legally blind, bought me a maternity shirt that had a giant pink bow right under the massive boobs I was toting when I was pregnant, sequined sleeves, tassles hanging off of the bottom (oh yeah, I said tassles) and big flowered letters that said “Back Away from the Belly”. I was actually suprised it did not have a giant flashing arrow that said “Swollen and proud”.
I don’t know if you have Motherhood Maternity where you are but that is where I got the majority of my pregnancy clothes. They were still ridiculous but tolerable and affordable.
That’s hilarious!!!!!!
From what I hear Target is the way to go !!!!
When I was preggers I bought a lot of “bigger” sizes instead of buying all “maternity” clothes. I especially liked the choices in tops better–and the prices were tons better. In the Summer you’ll be able to get some cheap, elastic, stretchy shorts too. Yea!! I am sooo excited for you!!
I havent ever been pregnant and found that some seriously FUNNY chickenbus!!