Michelle Smiles

Teaching my children to question authority, except mine.

I’m a rebel


My last Monday at work. It is supposed to be in the mid to upper 70’s here today.  That’s quite unusual for western PA in March.  So, I’m thumbing my nose at all of the fashion rules.  No white until Memorial Day?  No seersucker until after Easter?  Phooey!  I put on a white crinkle skirt and blue and white seersucker blazer.  I felt very conspicuous on the street this morning.  Everyone was still dressed in their greys and blacks and browns.  There I was in WHITE.  I don’t normally like to stand out but I just felt being springy today. 

Other than being a fashion rebel, I have nothing to report.  My recent excitement is another list:  I’ve been making a list of places I have to eat before leaving town.  You know food is always a priority in my life.  We got one out of the way yesterday but it was so yummy I want to put it back on the list for one more meal.  How can I not go back and get one more shrimp, portabella, and spinach enchilada?  And the 2 margaritas?  Heavenly!  But I also need one more brunch at Lydia’s, and one more pastrami sandwich at Primanti’s.  I might have to put Mad Mex back into the rotation.  A good pizza is a must.  Ice cream from Bruester’s without fail. 

My worry right now is that I’ve allowed myself to start hoping we might make it through without a previo.  Oops, see now I said it out loud and jinxed us.  I don’t know where I get the hubris to even hope for such a thing.  We’ve been plagued with problems since we started this process – I don’t know why I think this part would turn out differently.  I’ve always just assumed we would get at least 1 previo – because that is indicative of the way things have gone thus far.  I don’t feel like we deserve a smooth PGN ride just because everything else has been f*cked up nor do I feel like it is more likely.  It’s just that this hope has crept in.  Hope like that can be a dangerous thing in this process.  Hope can set you up to be crushed when you receive that bad news call.  Dashed hopes can plunge you into dark depths of despair.  But sometimes you just have to go with it so you can keep moving forward.  And perhaps I’m allowing myself this hope because I know that no matter what Barrios does, I am going to be with my baby girl in less than 3 weeks.

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