As I mentioned, I had a brief discussion with Steve this weekend about fostering.  A friend put it in my head and I put it out there for him.  He didn’t sound very enthusiastic (might have been the computer game I was interrupting when I tried to talk to him about it).  I thought about it some more and decided it was probably best if I just put the idea out of my head.  Problem solved.  Then Steve came home from work on Monday and said he thought I should go because it was what was best for our daughter and our family.  I was shocked.  I sent a few incoherent email to stranger friends and my agency asking questions.  I wasn’t really able to wrap my mind around it.  Steve and I talked about it a little more.  Tuesday I tested the idea out with a couple of real life friends, my sister, and my mom.  Surprisingly, they all thought it sounded great.  I thought at least my I-never-leave-the-county-if-I-don’t-have-to sister would say I was nuts but she was very supportive.  I keep waiting for someone to say “What are you thinking?” but so far that hasn’t happened. 

Last night, Steve and I went out to dinner.  We talked a lot about fostering and what it might mean for us.  We talked about what if we are apart for 6 or 8 months – financially and emotionally that would really suck.  But we are strong enough to get through it.  We talked about our concerns about her transition home if her attachment to her foster mom continued to grow.  We talked about putting our daughter’s needs and our family’s needs ahead of money concerns.  We talked about how often he would come down to see us and how we would stay in touch with each other while thousands of miles apart.  We talked about how this is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity.  We talked about how in the chickenbus I’m going to get all of that luggage down there.

So I guess I’m off on a grand adventure next month.  I’m not sure when I am going to leave yet – sometime shortly after Easter.  I have no idea where I am going to live or what money tree will pay for it all.  But our daughter needs one of us to be there with her and I have to ability to go.  I am fortunate to have the option available to me – not everyone has the choice. 

Honestly, I am terrified.  I’m not afraid to be a single mom while I’m there, although that will be very hard.  I’m not afraid to live in a country where I can’t drink the water and don’t speak the language (although I can order a beer so I should be okay).  I’m afraid of going down there for this indeterminate length of time.  I’m afraid of being away from home and Steve for 6+months if something goes wrong with our process.  Giving up everything in my world, except my daughter, for who knows how long is terrifying to me.  But the alternative is not being with my daughter for who knows how long.  I am not feeling excited yet.  I am hoping that the excitement comes once the shock and terror wear off.   

And just so everyone understands I’m not going to live in a resort, I’m not going to be living in this Antigua (resort island in the Caribbean where Britney spent 20 minutes in rehab).  This is the Antigua I’ll be living in (ancient city in Guatemala – no ocean or sandy beaches). 

I’m going to miss the end of the seasons of Amazing Race and Grey’s Anatomy – can someone fill me in on what happens?