It’s human nature.  You never think it is going to be you.  You worry that it might be you, you joke that it is likely to be you, you fear it could be you – but you never really believe in your heart of hearts that it will be.

I joked that with my luck, I would hit every bump and snag in the process – but I didn’t really believe it.  I was looking at my calendar – trying for the umpteenth time to figure out when Sabrina might be home if we don’t have any more problems.  I realized that I am now approaching the time when I originally thought I would be leaving my job and bringing her home.  A friend who received her referral the same night we did is picking her beautiful girl up next week so I was right…just not for us.  I find myself a little shell shocked to be sitting here with a 5 month old baby who just entered family court.  How did that happen?  I’m bewildered by it.  She should be in PGN and I should be fretting over previos.  I didn’t think I would have one of the cases that people tsked and shook their heads over and said “well look at poor Michelle”.  But suddenly I am.  Looking at my calendar, May will be her homecoming if things are perfect from here on out.  If we get a previo?  I’m suddenly wondering if our annual July vacation will be displaced by a pick up trip to Guatemala.  This isn’t what I saw in the brochure when I signed up.  I saw babies coming home at 4 and 5 months old. (Please read that with the sarcasm that was intended.  Girl on the edge here…don’t poke me with a stick today.)

Even with the above wallowing, I don’t even come close to a worst case scenario.  Worst case scenario is that she wouldn’t come home at all (that would require heavy medication and a padded cell for me – don’t even ask me to go there).  But there are others out there who are having a rougher time.  Two women come to mind from my agency.  One has been kicked out for months and waiting for a fix that satisfies Barrios.  Another has been kicked out for 2 months while waiting for a fix.  She is fostering in Antigua.  She is with her child but she is also essentially captive in Guatemala until this is handled.   A blogger comes to mind who has been stuck in PGN for over 5 months because of previos.  Looking at my agency message board, the new PGN reviewers have been over zealous in their previo-ing.  They’ve been handing out 3 and 4 to most files that cross their desks.  As a result many people are beginning their weekends with great despair.  I guess the scariest part is the arbitrary nature of it all.  No one is questioning if we will be good parents or if the birth moms really want to put babies up for adoption.  They are just finding paperwork issues to delay the process – to make it less attractive.

So while I have my pity parties, I also count my blessings and continue my good thoughts for friends out there that are stuck deeper in the mud than me.  I am thinking of all of you out there today.  I am feeling sad that politics are keeping our children in another country.  I am wishing for all of us have some peace (and a baby coming home soon).