I had the strangest dream last night. My dreams normally fade from memory very quickly but this one has lingered.  I woke up during the dream disoriented and trying to figure out if I had been dreaming or if it was real.  I went back to sleep and resumed the dream.  Very weird.
I dreamed that I came home from work one day and Steve had a Chinese toddler with him.  I was confused and asked him who the girl was.  He said she was Sinh-Li.  He asked if I remembered when we first started looking at adoption.  We filled out preliminary paperwork for China and then decided on Guatemala (in reality, we did not do this).  The paperwork stayed on file so China sent us Sinh-Li.  Even my dreaming brain didn’t think this made much sense but accepted it.  She was a beautiful child – 2 years old and fluent in English (that charming formal English that adults learn when English is a second language).  She was very loving and helpful.  I quickly fell in love with her and promised her that she had found her forever home.  I explained to her that she would have a baby sister coming home from Guatemala in a few months but that we had enough love for them both.
When my dreaming brain realized that we had another baby coming home, I began to panic.  I didn’t have a room set up for Sinh-Li or the baby.  I didn’t have any baby gear at all.  I realized that I was still worked and would have to quit now rather than later but that the lack of a paycheck would make it hard to furnish a baby room and a toddler room.  I started to hyperventilate.  Sinh-Li comforted me while my husband looked at me like I was a nut (can you blame him?).  Then I remembered that I only want 2 children so our family would be complete.  This was met with a mixture of relief and sadness.  Relief that I wouldn’t have to struggle through infertility treatments after the baby comes home and all of the hormones and grief that comes with them.  Sadness because I guess somewhere in my brain I hadn’t fully accepted that I would never be pregnant.  This is odd, because I think my fully awake self would be perfectly happy to adopt a second time if finances would allow it but Steve has always wanted to give the biological route another try.  I have agreed to try up to a certain point after we are settled in with Sabrina.
I have no idea where my brain dreamed up Sinh-Li.  We did look briefly at China (and many other countries) when we were researching.  I have a step-sister and cousin who are both pursuing their second adoption from China right now.  But the wait was stretching out so far in China and Guatemala had so many attractive aspects (foster care, visits, short pick up stay in country, etc) that it was no contest in my mind.  Anyway, very odd and I needed to write it down to get it out of my head.