Strange things happen in my life. Stranger things happen in my life when my best friend Deanna is with me. (My dear friend, Amy, deserves an honorable mention. She was involved in several of these items.) I say strange things happen like I have nothing to do with it – I most definitely am an active participant much of the time. Here is a list of some of those odd things. Maybe they aren’t so weird – if you have had similar odd things happen, let me know that I’m not a weird magnet.

• Taco Bell ran out of taco meat. The pizza place was out of pepperoni.
• A gay man has given me a lap dance…more than once
• My friends brought me a punch bowl to drink out of for my 31^st birthday – they did give me a big straw so I wouldn’t spill it – the whole bar thought it was hilarious
• I’ve been wounded (bleeding) by a friend and then shoved back into the ocean so she could get away in case my blood attracted sharks
• I had a stalker in my mid-20s. His idea of wooing me? The gift of brown Pyrex bake ware left on my car and a bad mixed tape.
• There was a large hole in the shower ceiling of our hotel bathroom. Workmen were working above me. I didn’t notice until after my shower when I was toweling my hair dry. I then forgot to tell my friend, who showered after me, until she finished her shower.
• I have shown Trainspotting, 40 Days 40 Nights, and When A Man Loves A Woman for therapeutic purposes. (Have you seen Trainspotting? It is a horrible, awful Scottish film.)
• When traveling in Europe, our electricity converter didn’t work. At all. My friend burnt a large chunk of her hair off by touching it with the curling iron. The ‘cool tip’ then melted off and fell to the floor.
• I have consumed deep fried mushrooms, pizza, a hot fudge brownie sundae, and iced animal cookies while drinking Malibu rum, smoking Marlboro reds and watching Disney movies. I want to be sick just thinking about it. Ahhh…to be 19 again.
• I have almost been involved in a car accident due to the driver wanting to hide from someone and deciding ducking under the dash would be the best solution.
• I have almost been involved in a car accident due to melting chocolate.
• While drunk in a bar, I’ve done crisis intervention with a suicidal man.
• I’ve returned a stolen car to the dealership.
• I’ve had tea with Hillary Clinton and driven John Glenn to the airport.
• I’ve had a window fall on me, while I was hanging out of it, naked and throwing up. (Man, I just know that is going to bring my blog up on some weird google searches.)
• I have purposely thrown my luggage down an escalator in an airport.
• I’ve searched toilet tanks and vacuum sweeper bags for drugs.

Can we never share this list with my future daughter?

*Why do my bullets never show up when I publish? I can see them when I am composing…