There were 3 referrals this week from my agency – 2 boys and 1 girl. Not the barrage of babies we were all hoping to see but we were all cheering on those who received their referrals! And thank you to all of you who have expressed your hope that our referral doesn’t take too long to get here.

I’m not impatient with the wait yet. I’m impatient with how long I’m imagining the wait will be. Does that make sense? I was fully prepared to wait for a month. It’s been almost 2 weeks and I’m still okay. It’s just the thought that it might be another 6 weeks or longer that gets to me. I’ve considered changing our request from girl to open gender. There are 2 things stopping me. First, I will slit my wrist if I have to amend my homestudy, have it certified and authenticated. Our homestudy specified that we preferred a girl (not sure why he felt it was important to put that in there). I can’t face that whole notarize, certify, authenticate process again until I am doing a power of attorney for our baby. I just can’t do it. Second, since we had the conversation and decided we wanted to adopt a girl, I’ve been mentally preparing for a girl. Our families are mentally prepared for a girl. It would be weird to suddenly shift that thinking. It would also be weird that I shifted that plan solely because I was impatient. Not that changing to open gender would mean a boy – it could obviously go either way. And not that I wouldn’t love a son as fiercely as I would love a daughter (I hear the mother/son bond is something very cool). It would just be a weird shift in thoughts. But mostly? It’s because I don’t want to amend the homestudy. And because I want to buy pretty little girl clothes.

I guess in the grand scheme of life, waiting an extra month or 6 weeks for our child isn’t such a big deal. It’s only in the short term that it seems like it is going to be hard. I’ve been thinking a lot about those near the top of our agency’s list. It must be hard to know you are near the top but see only 3 referrals this week. You are all in my thoughts!