Michelle Smiles

Teaching my children to question authority, except mine.

Can’t always get what you want


What I wanted for lunch:

That would be a filet-o-fish, fries, and throw in a chocolate shake for some calcium. (I googled photos of the fish sandwiches…when did they start putting cheese on them? That is foul! Of course, I think their tartar sauce is foul too and order it plain.)

What I had for lunch:

That would be a big salad with broccoli, carrots, chicken, and feta (if anyone dares tell me I shouldn’t be eating feta I will hunt you down – I’ve given up nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine…leave my unpasteurized soft cheese alone). And a peach for dessert. Woohoo. And people wonder why pregnant women are grumpy? It is 90 degrees outside and, despite pregnancy, guilt still keeps me from eating the crap I really want.  Those are 2 sound reasons in my hormone addled mind.

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34 weeks (8 1/2 months)


I haven’t posted a photo in awhile.  Why?  Because Target never contacted me to rent out ad space on my big empty expanse of stomach.  And I feel like a beached whale.  So I’ve been avoiding cameras for the most part.  I haven’t gotten any public comments about my girth (other bloggers have…those are some stupid brave people to comment out loud about how big someone has gotten) so no one has been harmed.  One woman did tell me she had just seen another women who was due the same time as me but that she just looked like she had a big basketball stuffed under her shirt and otherwise normal.  I took this to mean that it is obvious to all that I’m an equal opportunity weight gainer – legs, arms, back, face – I’m not neglecting any of them so it isn’t all in my stomach.  I decided not to get all hormonal on her about it.  She was a size 0 and I could have snapped her like a twig – where is the challenge in that?

No pregnancy news to share.  Tessa is still sitting in a breech position as she has been all along.  She dislikes the fetal non-stress tests – when they tried to put the monitor over her last week she kept kicking it and moving away.  So they did a quick ultrasound instead.  She knows daddy’s touch and will immediately be still if he touches my stomach.  Sucks for Steve when he wants to feel her but great for me when I want her to calm down so I can sleep.  Sleep is still sorely lacking these days.  I find it a cruel joke that just before I give birth to a small human that will deprive me of sleep for months, I become so uncomfortable that I can’t sleep a little extra now.

Meredith sent me this photo she took when we had lunch.  I didn’t immediately want to burn it so thought I would throw it out here – mostly for my sister’s amusement.  This will likely be the last pregnant photo published unless I get so large that I find it comical rather than depressing.

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Let the neuroses begin…


What do these 2 things have in common?

Last night, I woke up around 2AM from an awful dream.  It started out with me giving birth to Tessa (thankfully my mind didn’t even contemplate what was involved in that process…we entered our story post birth giving).  Tessa wasn’t quite “normal”.  Instead of hands and feet she had tongs and corkscrews – basically she was a like a swiss army knife.  Then she morphed into an angry crab.  As a crab, she paced (sideways of course because that is how a crab paces) on a metal table *click, clack, click clack* and at the end of each leg was a tool from a swiss army knife.

It sounds very silly but I have to tell you I woke up deeply disturbed.  I tried to tell Steve but he just snored louder and turned over.  I am sure all moms to be have these types of dreams before they have their children but isn’t the physical discomfort enough without my psyche screwing with me too?

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I’ve got mail!


On my door step this afternoon, I found a box addressed to Sabrina and Tessa.  Inside I found all sorts of goodies for the girls!  It was very exciting!  I won’t share the sender’s name because she specifically asked that I not but a huge thank you my friend!  It was like a little baby shower in a box!  So sweet and much appreciated.

Some princess jammies for Miss Sabrina:

Darling matching outfits for big sis and lil sis:

And a little lamb, socks, mittens, sleepers, a onesie, and some bibs:

Thanks again – so much fun unpacking all of the tiny little things and imagining the tiny baby that will go in them next month!

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Not fit to be around other humans


This week, pregnancy has lost any semblance of charm it might have once possessed.  I officially declare week 32 as the turning point.  I’ve never been a happy, jolly pregnant person but now I am a completely vile, nasty blob.  Yesterday, I woke up at 2:40am for my first of several nightly bathroom trips.  Tessa decided it was time to do yoga.  Once she quieted down, the Braxton-Hicks contractions conspired to keep me awake.  So I was up for the day at 2:40am.  I’m retaining water like a camel – my ankles only look normal for 3.5 seconds in the morning but once I am vertical it is all over for the day.  I growled at a clerk in a store yesterday who had the nerve to try to do her job by assisting me was bugging me.  I regularly yell at other drivers because they are idiots – good thing it is so hot that everyone has their windows rolled up and their a/c on.  Poor Steve has just decided to smile and agree with everything I say for the next couple of months.  He, the dog, and Sabrina huddle upstairs in his office to “spend time together” (read: hide from the Mommy Monster) when he comes home.

Okay, I’m done complaining.  For now.  No sympathy or you will make me feel back for complaining.  I know I’m lucky to be 32 weeks pregnant with everything seemingly going well.  Some days it is harder to remember than others.

High point of the day: I had my first of now weekly fetal non-stress tests this morning.  It was kind of fun to listen to Tessa’s heartbeat for 20 minutes.  She kicked the microphone several times and generally didn’t stop moving the entire time.  She is still measuring at exactly the 50th%tile which is a good thing.  All seems to be fine.  Projected date of induction:  on or near July 28th.

When my new non-crazy doctor was figuring that out she accidentally said my due date was October 4th instead of August 4th.  I quickly corrected her.  She laughed and said “Oh didn’t we tell you?  We miscalculated and you are due in October not August.  Wouldn’t that be funny?”  Hardy-har-har-har.  She is lucky I like her – that kind of joke could make an uncomfortable pregnant lady snap.

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Impossible feat


Some said it couldn’t be done but I managed to remove the polish from my toenails and repaint them – all without passing out from lack of oxygen.  It is quite a trick when you can barely bend at the waist.  It might be the last time I manage to do it without help.

No photo – I didn’t say it was a neat paint job and my toes look like fat little sausages by the end of the day.  Tomorrow?  I might try to shave my legs.  If you don’t hear from me, send help because I’m passed out in the tub from trying to bend.

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One thing down, 327 to go


Tessa now has a crib.


Craig’s list offered a good deal and I took it. I was feeling like poor Tessa is getting the short end of the stick as the 2nd child. We took great joy in shopping for Sabrina’s crib and car seat and other accessories. This time around it is more of a financial issue than a joy. That isn’t a function of her being a second child so much as no longer being a 2 income family. Sabrina received this bedding set as a gift and I never put it in her bed because it ended up in storage when we moved. So to soothe my guilt over the 2nd hand crib (which is perfectly attractive and safe – just not quite as pretty as Sabrina’s) I put all the doo-dads in Tessa’s crib to make it all pretty before she is born. She won’t use her crib at first (she’ll be in a bassinet in our room for awhile especially if breastfeeding is a go) so we can leave it all pretty for a few months.

I feel a bit better being able to cross at least that off of my list. My BFF brought us a bassinet and some clothes. (My BFF had a baby stash that would have clothed about 10 children. Her sister just had a baby and I’m about to so we both made out. Thanks D!) She is also going to try and send us an infant seat they no longer need. If that doesn’t work, another friend has made the same offer (thanks P!). So all of those very appreciated hand me downs take care of most of Tessa’s immediate needs. I still am on the prowl for a dresser for her room and I need to pick up some bottles in case breastfeeding doesn’t go well and diapers are always a good idea. I’ll pick up a few receiving blankets for swaddling and we should be able to call ourselves mostly prepared.

Just typing that paragraph makes me feel a little better. I was such a list maker (some of you may remember mocking my lists of lists when I was moving to Guatemala) in my past life but now I only seem to make lists for grocery shopping so this to do list only resides in my head. I probably should put it on paper so I don’t forget anything important. My brain is like a sieve these days.

Oh and someone asked about my due date.  It is officially August 4th but I will be induced the last week of July but I don’t know the date yet.

And a little Sabrina cuteness just because:


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Pause button please


As much as I am ready to regain complete and full possession of my body again, I couldn’t quite help freaking out a little when the calendar flipped to June. That means next month we are having a baby. Next month?!?! Admittedly, it is the other end of next month but just being able to say it in those casual terms makes me feel a slight panic attack coming on. It’s not like saying “Oh I need to get the oil changed in the car next month” or “What about going hiking next month?”. I am bringing another small human child into this world next month. I know people do it every day but surely they are people who have some idea of what they are getting themselves into. People who don’t still eat ice cream for breakfast sometimes. You know – grown up people. I don’t care what my drivers license says – I am not sure I qualify as a grown up some days.


Conversation with my mother last night:

Mom: How are you feeling?

Me: Huge but otherwise fine.

Mom: *laughs* I have to tell you that you don’t have any idea what huge is. You won’t believe how big you get in the next 8 weeks.

Me: *not laughing* Really? Is that the way you want to go with your cranky pregnant kid? I’m well aware the worst is yet to come but is that really what you want to point out to me right now?


Sabrina has gotten over her hatred of shoes. She now thinks it is great fun to play with mommy’s shoes. This usually means when I am trying to leave the house, I can only find 1 of each pair.


And I found a little chair just her size at the grocery store last week.  Best $1.50 I’ve ever spent.  She carries it around from room to room with her and sits her stuffed animals in it if she isn’t sitting in it.  If the dog goes near it to sniff at it, she yells “No!  No!”


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Sound the alarms


Nine weeks people. That is single digits! 9 weeks! I am 30 weeks pregnant and they want to induce me at 39 weeks so that means I only have 9 weeks of being a mom to 1 child left. That means I only have 9 weeks to get ready for Tessa’s arrival. (Of course that means I still have 9 long weeks of feeling like a beached whale.)

Ask me what I’ve done to prepare. Go ahead, ask. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I purchased a swing at a consignment sale a month or two ago. Other than that, this child has nothing. No car seat. No bassinet. No bouncy seat. No onesies. No crib. No nothing. My BFF is coming to visit this weekend and bringing me some goodies left over from her little one so that might fill some of the gaps in my lack of preparedness.  But I read blogs and visit message boards – other ladies (some who aren’t as far along as I am) have nursery themes and curtains and bedding that coordinate.  Admittedly, even when I can say things are prepared Tessa won’t have those things because I’m not a nursery theme kind of gal but still!  Gah!

Okay, you may all return to your regularly scheduled day now.  This was a test of the freaked out pregnant woman network.  In the even of a real meltdown, please send chocolate and ice cream and speak in soothing tones.

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Bring on the good stuff


Thank you all for your thoughts on birthing classes yesterday.  It gave me a lot to consider.  And for all of you who advocate or participated in a natural, drug-free child birth I’ll give you a southern “Bless your hearts” and a northern “Oh hell no!”  I have huge respect for the ladies who have the conjones fortitude to get through child birth naturally.  I am not one of those women.  I am a wimp when it comes to physical pain.  When I told Steve I was surprised by the number of natural child birth advocates out there, he got a very scared look on his face.  He knows that wouldn’t end well for any of us – me, him, the doctors and nurses.  It would just be ugly.  They don’t give out awards (or even big warm chocolate chip cookies) for doing it naturally and I’m no hero.  Bring on the epidural.

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